My husband of 41 years, now 84, has had repeated surgeries to remove squamous cell cancers and has had several pre-cancer sites frozen. When his last surgery was due he didn’t want to go.
Let me add here that he suffered a stroke more than 5 years ago and is stuck in a wheelchair. Since he can no longer speak very well, make calls or anything else other than feed himself and do some small chores, I make most of the major decisions regarding his health care. I do have his medical POA. I do talk to him about everything and I ask the doctors to address him so he can at least say yes or no about his care.
Additionally, he was treated for prostate cancer about 7 years ago, but his PSA is climbing again after we thought he was cured. So overall, I guess I want help deciding when “enough is enough”.
He doesn’t want to have more surgeries – they are painful, especially as the anesthetic wears off. Do I let HIM decide to stop treatment and probably have it metastasise elsewhere which would lead to other cancers and, of course, more suffering, harsh treatments and probably death.
I’m at my wit’s end. I have a cat dying of cancer, but I can euthanize her when she is no longer comfortable. That’s not a choice here. I love him very much and he is actually pretty active and very mentally alert, so it’s not a question of “do I pull the plug on a dying man?”
Any input is welcome. Thanks in advance.