A question for single men out there about dating woman with kids?
Would you consider dating a girl who has 3 kids by 3 different men or more? If she was smokin hot and would do anything sexual you wanted, could you look past the fact that she’d been knocked up 3 other times and none of the baby’s daddy’s stayed around? Also what if she’d never married any of the men they had just been b/f’s and she accidentally got p/g. Could you deal with this? I ask this because i am a married woman in my late twenties who has been on b/c since i was 16. I knew from the first time i had sex i didn’t want kids so i took precautions, i constantly get flack for criticizing women who have multiple kids with multiple partners because i feel all of that could have been prevented with a little common sense. So i ask you guys what is your limit how many kids can a women have to be considered dateable? What if she doesn’t work and is a stay at home mom? Does this make a factor? If she had a great job making 6 figures a year and had multiple kids by different men would this make it easier to tolerate her past? I just want to know how men see this what is y’alls take on women like this? Because personally they aggravate the h*ll out of me.
PS: I’m putting this in men’s health because i seem to get better answers from real men who know what i’m talking about when i ask a guy related question.
March 18th, 2010 at 3:58 am
Hi,
Most guys would realize that this was going to be just a short term thing, and would go ahead and date her, with that in mind. They would be in it for the “smokin hot” and the sex parts. Most would be put off not by the kids themselves, but by her track record, and not see her as a marriage prospect.
Having said that, 20 years ago my next door neighbor got into a relationship with EXACTLY the woman you are describing… She was smokin hot, not afraid to show it off, and had three kids (i think only 2 dads there). He had been a little brat as we grew up (4 years my junior), fell head over heels for her. Turned out to be a great dad to her kids (all under 6)… They wound up getting married, and last I heard (about 7 or 8 years back), were still married and happy… I’m betting they are the exception rather than the rule. Some guys are more easy going and just love kids… they might see her without prejudice, but that would be rare.
Personally, I might date her for the sexual experience, but for a serious girlfriend, I would look for some one more stable, like you… I fell for a woman who shares your views, and we discussed kids before we became engaged. Luckily we both agreed on no kids (I got snipped eventually). We still agree on it.
I not surprised you get flack though… It’s a touchy subject, and you have to expect pushback if you go there, especially if you initiate the conversation and don’t know the person well. Hopefully, your criticism is of a more general sort. We still get odd looks when we tell people we never wanted kids, and used to get some flack, so it works both directions. If someone is obnoxious about it I tell them i can’t father children (technically true), with no more explanation, and they die of embarrassment.
Hope that helps,
Ed, RN
March 18th, 2010 at 4:54 am
I’m TOTALLY WITH YOU! You are right for criticizing women with multiple kids with multiple partners. But I also criticize both women AND MEN for doing so because their irresponsibility will definitely make growing up FAR more difficult for their children. Those kind of people are f**kin’ irritating because their selfish ego causes a very difficult upbringing for their innocent kids!!!!
Even if its not financially difficult, its from an unstable household…seeing different men or women enter and leave their lives so abruptly. The absence of having both parents creates difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships since children FIRST learn how to have opposite sex (i.e. romantic love) and same sex (i.e. friendships) relationships by observing the behavior of their parents. And as we all know sometimes these childhood experiences can be deeply set in our subconscious unless we consciously realize them (i.e. particular phobias/fears) far later in life from maturity or psychological help.
Personally I wouldn’t date a woman who had all of those kids from all different guys, because each one of those children are reminders of her past irresponsibility. And we all know when we try to figure out a person’s character, the best way is looking into their past behavior to predict how they will be in the future. I would also be very suspicious if such a woman was interested in me because this irresponsibility and selfishness could transfer onto wanting a relationship with me so that I could provide for her children. There’s a saying that selfish women like that only become serious or maybe mature when their “mileage” has run out.
I could give her a chance if she made decent money where I knew she wasn’t dating me to support her kids, and if she ONLY had one child where she learned the hard way on upbringing a kid at the wrong time. If she had two or more, obviously she can’t learn from her mistakes…and that’s a mess I don’t want to deal with.
Also I noticed isn’t interesting that people criticize you for criticizing women with multiple “baby daddies” but society hypocritically criticizes men for have multiple “baby mommas”? LOL
I hope my whole, loonnngg argument was helpful and clear. LOL And I support your opinion wholeheartedly! All the best
March 18th, 2010 at 5:16 am
Whether or not she has kids wouldn’t matter to me. Just make sure to wrap it up. You don’t want to be #4, dude.